This whole metastatic journey has been learning to follow the trail of breadcrumbs as they appear. Knowing which ones to pay attention to and which ones to walk right past. This is not an easy task and we never know if we’re making the right choice or not, until we either get lucky or … don’t.

From the very beginning of my breast cancer journey, I knew God had my back. He and I decided all of my treatment options together and I carried them out. He directed me to places, people, and websites that started to educate me on ways to truly heal rather than manage symptoms by destroying. And He totally renewed my mind in the area of healing. I thought I had this thing licked. Done. Cancer was never going to be part of my life again.

But that was just the opening bell. The school day had just begun. There were many difficult classes to follow. I felt pretty alone at that point, where God was concerned. But that all changed when I was told I had metastasis in 2007. What???? But Your Word says You healed all their sick. You never said maybe. And your Word says You are not man so You cannot lie. This began my feeling of betrayal. Now I am stage IV. Now I am terminally ill. Now I am not healed. But, as I said, the school day was just beginning and that initial diagnosis and treatment was the opening salvo to Melissa’s freakin’ personal WWIII. The biggest lesson I was to learn was following the trail of breadcrumbs.

Part of that breadcrumb trail was dropping the oncologist and mainstream monitoring altogether because I was following a totally spiritual path, at that point, and the mainstream medical world and the world of healing don’t always jive. I was trying to follow a path of faith and every time I got those markers drawn, it kept telling me how I was not healing. I mean, we don’t exactly go to doctors when there’s nothing wrong, do we? So every time i walked in there, i was confirming that i was sick. At that time, I was working with that Karen Korona, who kept on insisting I was healing beautifully while my body was showing me just how sick I was. I chose to ignore it and listen to her … and what she was saying lined up with God’s promises, so I was doing my level best to focus on Him and His Word while attempting to ignore my ever-failing body.

It was at this point that I was tossed into the hospital nearly dead. This was what I get for standing on His promises????? His promises, thru Christ, are always yes and amen. Always. WTH? And it wasn’t as though that whole hospital experience was smooth and full of His grace. It was a bloody nightmare … NG tube twice, losing pathology fluid, discovering cancer inoperable, and discussions of hospice. I was so close to death, and so traumatized, that now I am literally left with a bit of PTSD from that close call. I have had some serious panic attacks when things start looking all too horribly familiar like a year ago. Thankfully, there’s a strain for that! Cannabis beats anti-anxiety meds hands-down!

Little did I know what a parched and dry land into which I was headed …

  1. Denise Barnes says:

    Honestly, I understand your point of view from a different situation (my job situation – lack of rather). I have had so many questions etc. I have felt abandoned, stressed out…going through it now still. I also have panic attacks because I deal with so much anxiety.

    Your testimony is so real and touches more the masses than you may think. Sometimes our journey is not understood while we look for the light at the end of the tunnel. I do know there is something of beauty I expect to come out of your trial. I praise the Lord you are HERE girly!!!

    I am praying for understanding right along with you!!!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s