Putting Georgia in my rear view mirror …

Posted: May 10, 2012 in Breast Cancer, Spiritual/Emotional/Energetic
Tags: , , , ,

Monday I decided not to do chemo but I did get my labs drawn. Well, come Tuesday afternoon, those labs came back. My white blood cell count is alarmingly low, as are my platelets, my granulocytes, and my neutrophils. This puts me at risk for a bacterial infection which would buy me a one-way ticket to Gloryland, as if the cancer itself wasn’t enough. So no chemo. For two weeks at least, according to the clinic.

Now in conventional oncology, this doesn’t happen. When counts drop, they give you colony stimulating factors to get you to produce more white blood cells, so treatment can continue. Because, face it, cancer doesn’t wait just because you have to postpone treatment. Well, since they want me to sit here and get eaten alive for two weeks before they will do anything more than oxidative therapy (which quadrupled my circulating tumor cells in two weeks), I might as well head home to my oncologist who knows cancer and its treatment.

I kept myself alive, and kept my body pretty happy, up until now. But now that I am plagued with multiple issues, I need someone who is both well-versed in cancer and has graduated clown school so he can fully juggle all the balls I will be throwing at him … my oncologist. Trouble is, he is already partially retired …. my God he has got to stay in the game at least until my days are over!!!!! Honestly …. I trust him so much and he understands my wants and needs, and respects my choices, more than any other oncologist I have ever had and I have had a few in many different states.

So today, the oil is being changed in the car, and tires rotated, preparing for the trek back to Colorado. Thankfully, a local oncologist prescribed me some Levoquin to keep this bronchitis from turning into pneumonia in transit, because God only knows I don’t have enough meat on me to fight back right now. I am beaten down and broke … crawling home out of resources, both physically and financially. The donations we collected will get us home and will pay for some hyperbaric oxygen, IV Vit C, mistletoe injections, or whatever integrative modality I find to help my body through this conventional treatment upon which I will now have to rely.

I have had a great run with alternative therapy. None of it has really stopped the big wheel from turning for me except the energy work of Kurt Peterson and Kris Kraft. And, if I am still able this summer, I will be flying to see Kris Kraft to see if he can energize me like he did this time last year. My system now just has so many limitations that alternatives, in the form of food and supplements, will no longer cut it. I had hoped I would have a bit more of a game plan today because I met with the dr who ordered my liver biopsy. But the results I needed were not in yet, so we do know it is metastatic lobular carcinoma (news flash, huh?) but we don’t know if it is ER/PR positive, though I do think it is ER positive which could give me some options. And the big piece we are still missing is the Her2neu status. Her2neu is an oncogene that makes the cancer way more aggressive, so there have been a couple of great, targeted treatment options for those who carry that gene. My original cancer and my mets didn’t carry it. But metastatic disease can switch back and forth several times, if one lives with mets long enough. So though it would mean my cancer is more aggressive, I find myself hoping I am Her2neu positive now so I can use Herceptin and, when that runs out, Pertuzumab which is hitting the market in July. Only in Stage IV disease would one wish to have a more aggressive disease just to have more treatment options. Cuz when you’re out of options, you are out of options. Since I have been exposed to 9 drugs in 2 months, I am a bit worried about resistance or if anything will make me respond.

Anyway Monday morning, we will pack up the car for the last time and head back home. To this day, I do not know why I was sent here. Obviously not for me. I just hope something good came out of it for someone so all this money spending and suffering was not in vain. I have to admit it will be great to get back to the Rockies … my home … my daughter … my friends …. and my horse, though at this point I don’t have the stamina to even catch him up out of the pasture. Hoping for a good summer … at least the strength to get in one good horse camp … just please y’all be in prayer for my oncologist, Dr Headley, because he is going to have one tangled knot to try to straighten out.

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Comments
  1. geniegal says:

    Your smile is magnetic, Melissa. I looked at your last post and the photo with your cousin.

    What a journey- It is hard to sit here and not be able to make it ‘all better’ for you. I have few words, but I have much admiration for many aspects of you and your journey, your sharing- along the way YOU are helping many- every time you speak words that many of us want to express you are transforming something-

    I and so many others want to help. The amazing power of prayer- I still believe a vigil for you where we all agree to a designated day and time, regardless of our time differences around the world… where we pray for your healing- for things to turn around-
    What about it?

  2. Rosieo says:

    Melissa
    God Bless You and keep you well on your journey home. I will definately keep you in my prayers.
    Rosieo

  3. Meg says:

    So glad you are heading home. There’s a lot to be said for just being in a peaceful place and seeing those you love. Godspeed!

  4. John says:

    We’ll be praying for you. Safe journey. Be safe.
    John, Linda and family.

  5. Blame the chemo brain or having too many windows open, but the above was meant for another blogger I follow.

    I wanted to tell you, Melissa, to enjoy the journey home and I’m praying that you oncologist has some plans in place for you when you meet.

  6. Jen says:

    Hey girlfriend,

    I can’t imagine how exhausted you are and what a huge mountain you have in front of you to climb (even just with the drive home). Our prayers are with you for a safe and easy journey home. I’m still going to take you up on getting together though, even if it’s just to sit with you while you get infused, sit in the sun up in your retreat in the Mountains…… I can hang anywhere with you. 😉 Praying for a safe journey and for wisdom for your doctors. much love.

  7. geniegal says:

    I’m just checking in here Melissa.. I think you are 2 days into travel.. I don’t know if you are Internet connected.. Let us know how you are.

    • Yup, have iPad, have Internet. ;). We are currently just outside Kansas City, MO. I did do a Facebook Check-in from the Drury in St Louis. Will stop tonight in Hays, KS. It will be good to get home but along with that goes household responsibility. Ugh! That I have not missed one bit!

  8. Jaan Vaher says:

    Hi Melissa,
    Let us know if you need anything………Jaan

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