Calories still onboard but things aren’t good

Posted: June 3, 2012 in Breast Cancer, Spiritual/Emotional/Energetic
Tags: , , ,

They have moved my TPN bags up to 1800 calories now, and not a moment too soon. I knew I was getting fluid back when I started the TPN but damn … my insides hurt so badly after the drain … and now it is even bigger than before. More bad things are happening too, like nothing is passing. I was afraid I had an obstruction like last year, so I went to see my onc on Friday. There were no bowel sounds and that wasn’t good. He rushed me over for an xray to see if I had either obstructed or had a condition called ilius where the peristaltic action stops working, so nothing moves through.

It was not an obstruction this time …. just nothing is moving at all. So the only solution is to treat the cancer and hope it backs off like it did last year. So we started weekly Taxotere Friday, right then and there. But I have been vomiting every evening for four nights now because nothing will pass, so it has to come back up. So I can honestly say I could not survive right now without this TPN; I am so thankful to have it. Tomorrow we have to make the trek to the Denver VA Hospital to meet with several practitioners and dietitians there in hopes of making the switch from my paying for it to the VA paying for it. And honestly, with the pain and vomiting I have been having, I dread it so bad. The only upside is that it is first thing in the morning, so my bad times typically come a bit later in the day. Let’s hope there is no deviation to that pattern tomorrow.

My biggest fear is that, having been exposed to eight different chemo drugs in three months, nothing is going to work. But I have to try, right? I just don’t know how many more rabbits I can pull out of my hat, though. And I know this blog is turning into quite the depressing read and I just don’t know what to say about that. It is what is it and if it gets too painful for you to follow, I understand. It’s getting a bit hard to stay snarky and upbeat these days. But hey, if I can get this cancer to respond to some treatment, that will all change in an instant!

So anyway, that’s where we are. Something we did today was to buy his and hers cremation packages from The Neptune Society I know it might sound macabre, but I don’t want to leave this for John and Erika when I leave. It was very reasonable … less than $3k … and no matter where I am in the world, they will pick up my body, cremate it, and return the ashes to my family. There is a lovely cherry wood box that the urn goes in. You can choose to return remains to family or have them scattered at sea. So not exactly a cheery shopping experience, but it was something that, though distasteful, was very necessary.

I have my next chemo treatment on Thursday. God please let things be opening up by then. I am just not ready to leave my loved ones yet! Sorry the news still ain’t so hot, but at least I do have nutrition (especially since I can’t eat at all) and a plan of attack!

  1. Liz says:

    Bless you Melissa!


  2. slythy says:

    Hi Mel,

    What does the Dr say about why you’re blocked? Is there something about the treatment that has the side effect of slowing peristalsis?


  3. slythy says:


  4. Rosieo says:

    God bless you Melissa and help you to find relief from this beast.

  5. Meg Patterson says:

    All the drugs may be just backing you up. I hope things resolve soon. Courage, my dear.
    – Meg in Oregon

  6. Kim says:

    Really hope that today worked out for you!
    I know how terrifying and awful this is – too
    feel horrible ontop of it – is more than
    any of us can expect to bear.

  7. Tim Dravis says:


    Am praying for movement and complete healing. Did you see the new clincial trial for breast cancer? Some sort of smart bombs.

    Hang on to that rope!

    In His grip,

  8. jean says:

    Hi Melissa,
    Just found your site after I saw a post from you on the oleander site. I was diagnosed with breast cancer back in 1999 but haven’t gone with any traditional Rx as they all terrified me.
    I’m still here and still breathing too “). There is so much I could say but mostly wanted to mention something to you that has helped me tremendously. I’ve lost boat loads of fear and anxiety and am still going. The science is called German New Medicine and I have been working with a fellow by phone who has studied GNM for some time and he has helped me a whole lot.
    GNM addresses the mental/emotional causes of illness.
    His name is Stephen Coleman and he works by phone with people around the world with very effective yet easy ways to work with stuff stuck in our subconsious that is generally at the root of out illnesses. I have no connection with him other than as someone who I have worked with who has helped me. I just felt I had to mention it to you as a sister in this challenge. is his site. BTW it is not inexpensive.
    Much Love Sister,

  9. jean says:

    Sorry- spelled it wrong! take out the ‘w’

    • Hey Jean this guys doesn’t do GNM … he does something “similar.”. I really want a GNM practitioner not for the power of the mind but the clearing of emotional crap. Maybe i will ping them anyway and see what they say. In what ways is this helpful for you? Anything tangible? You ever heard of Braco? He is doing daily streaming sessions from Kauai for $3 per. I have done 2 already and will continue while he’s there. Cheap as dirt … And sure can’t hurt! 🙂

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