Today the highs did not get out of the 30s in the mountain town where we live. Wood stove cranked up downstairs and I’m all bundled up trying to stay cozy. I just had to break down and buy a couple of size 4 pairs of jeans, which believe it or not, really hurt. Most women would be ecstatic but if I had worked for it, that would be one thing. Anorexia is totally another thing.

So I saw my oncologist last week and boy was he pleased! My circulating tumor cells test was 360 a mere 5 months ago. Now it is down to 7. Now granted, anything over 3 is kind of a bad situation, but still … That is so much less cancer floating around in my bloodstream than there was not so very long ago. Obviously we have the cancer on the run, but how can I survive if I find food repulsive? No amount of MMJ would change this, and hasn’t, for almost 4 years now. I had experienced some improvements … Probably doubling what I was eating … Through hypnotherapy, which has been a very healing and interesting process. But it still wasn’t enough to stop my TPN nutrition at night.

So when I saw my onc last week, he finally sat down, crossed his legs, and started discussing a drug called Megace (megestrol acetate). It is not a drug I would just take willy nilly as i do not believe in synthetics when natural is … well … natural. and especially hormones. And this is synthetic progesterone. I swear, I have steered so many people away from synthetic hormones. This cancer this continues to be an exercise in humility. Sometimes ya just gotta do what you gotta do. Anyway, this drug used to be used to treat cancer back in the day after regular hormonal therapy failed. But gals wouldn’t stay on it because it made them gain weight. So now that is how it is used … in lower doses for appetite when there is none.

I have known about this drug for years, but with my cancer raging out of control, the risk of thrombosis from it was just not worth the risk for any dr I have had in the past several years. But now … Now we can talk. He and I are both convinced that the fluid that is again accumulating in my belly is solely from the TPN and not from a cancer process. So he handed me a prescription, told me to fill it, and get off that TPN. So I filled it the next day and started using it. Omg … Aaaaaaaaaaaaacccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!!! No one told me it was liquid! I mean, who makes liquid meds for adult folks who can swallow pills? Jeez! And it is the most bitter, chemical tasting mess I have had the displeasure of ingesting. I honestly wasn’t sure if I would handle a teaspoon of that mess once a day. I know … Big baby, huh? But remember, almost everything I put in my mouth lately made me gag and puke even if it didn’t taste bad. So I waited what I thought would be a couple of weeks for it to take effect … If it did anything at all.

Holy crap what a difference!!!!! After three or four days on it, I started eating regular-sized meals and I can’t even describe the joy it brings me to be able to put a bite of organic sweet corn in my mouth and enjoy the flavor of the ghee blended with the sweet crisp of the corn. It has been such a long time! So I am pretty much eating 3 meals a day now and working on backing down this TPN. Would rather see a little size come on me first, but I am getting fluid again and really wanna be done with that. So if the TPN truly is the culprit, I need to be able to get completely off it before I drain again. Currently, it is an experiment. We have backed me down to every other night to see what happens. But we are going to Breckenridge in a couple of weeks and I want to be fluid-free for that trip for two reasons … Amazing restaurants there and so my torso won’t look all sausagey, which is a look I have come to despise on me.

So over the next week or so, I promise to try to make the time to update you all, in case you’re curious, about the hypnotherapy thing … It is much different than what I expected … And about an amazing session I had with one of my energy healers, Penny Guinther, and introduce you to her. Se is just as amazing as both Kurt Peterson and Kris Kraft, in my opinion.

All I can say I I have no idea why I am still here, or what God has in store for me moving forward, but whatever He is up to, it sure ain’t boring. From my perspective at this moment, it is very exciting. And it feels hopeful for the first time in a year or more. More to come …

  1. Patsy hinson says:

    So glad you are better. It’s been awhile since I took menace for appetite., but my script was for pills.

    • Lucky you. The highest mg it comes in is 40mg and that would take about 15 pills per day to get the 600+mg I get in that teaspoon. Funny how I have adapted to that nasty taste cuz I am getting such joyous results! Small price to pay. Funny how perspectives change, isn’t it? 😉

  2. Carole Berlin says:

    Melissa —

    I’m so glad Megace is working for you!

    Keep on eating!

    Hugs and love, cb

  3. Wendy says:

    Happy to hear you are upbeat about the future! Happy eating : )

  4. So glad you are enjoying food again!

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