Not bad news for a change … but a huge loss just the same

Posted: January 20, 2013 in Breast Cancer

So I have been feeling so horrible lately!  I just knew, what with my tumor markers rising, cancer was out of control.  Appetite nonexistent most of the time, so pretty malnourished.  And when I could eat, I would vomit pretty soon afterward, so that made me not want to eat for fear I would see it all again.  Last week, my oncologist expressed the same concerns as he ordered a boatload of scans for me:  liver, chest, abdomen, pelvis.  I know what he was expecting when I went in last Friday to see him.  But to his great surprise, he didn’t see that.  What he saw was lots of cancer, but the liver that had not been scanned since Apr 2011, had no new lesions.  Sure there were still diffuse mets all over the bones that were visible.  And still my abdominal mets did not show up at all.  Of course, it kept going on about my large-volume ascites even though I had just had 4.5 litres sucked out a mere 3 days prior.  Whatever.

In any case, my oncologist was ecstatic and wants me to hold off on tx right now.  In fact, he took me off all of my drugs in an attempt to give my body a cleanse.  Never had an oncologist suggest such a thing (naturopaths, yes).  So that’s where I’m at right now.  Labs again Wednesday and I see him again Friday.  I think he 2011-12-05_21-24-20_96is guiding me toward Navelbine chemo but I will need a port first.

And now for the loss.  I have made so many friends over the years of cancer living.  Most of them are internet-only.  But in a few cases, I have actually gotten to meet them face to face.  I have now officially lost my last long-time, face-to-face cancer friend.  She fought so hard for 5 years straight … all conventional.  And it finally wore her poor body out.  It was a liver failure and not from cancer … it was from a new tx drug and she had to live out her last days knowing that she had killed herself trying to save herself.  I am devastated.  I have two left … and they’re only from last spring.  Karen and Jamie, y’all better keep on keepin’ on!  I NEED YOU!!! Kim, my deepest love to you, sweet spirit!  You are now free of that diseased body, flitting and floating free of pain, sorrow, and part of all creation now.  I miss you, my dear friend … till the one day I see you again!!!!


  1. Penny says:

    Dear Melissa, I am so sorry for you loss. Friends are so hard to give up, they do sustain us so. I’m sending you a big hug. Good news re the scan results. Love you, Penny

  2. Cynthia Dimmette says:

    Keep on baby!!! You r amazing’

    Sent from my iPad

  3. Debbie Wokurka says:

    Sorry to hear of the loss of your friend. Glad you are still hanging in there and good to hear you can get off your meds for a while.

  4. Dianne says:

    Hi Melissa,
    Sorry that you haven’t been feeling well.Glad the Dr. is encouraged! I know how it feels to loose friends and more, especially my bff and husband. I was e-mailing 3 others whose husbands had brain cancer too. Now not only are the husbands gone, but so are their wives. That just seems incredible to me. All from some form of cancer too. I wonder if it was from the stress? I believe that God has our days numbered and no matter what the medical people say, they don’t really know! People still get healed and recover even from the worst situations.Just try and stay hopeful and posative. We did the one day at a time thing for 3 and 1/2 years!! The original prediction from Johns Hopkins was 6-18 months and that was with their treatment suggestions which we did NOT do. I’m still missing my hubby like crazy, but it does me no good to sit and cry.(although sometimes I do). There is still a reason why I’m here. I just need to discover it. One would be the rest of my family,children and grandchildren. Also my parents who are 89 and 90. I pray that better days are ahead for you, that the cancer responds to whatever treatment and that you can eat and enjoy life and are pain free!! Big request, but God can do it if he chooses. You sound like a spunky lady. Continue to have hope and keep fighting! I think of you often, so all of your friends aren’t gone.Love,Dianne Ps. so far I don’t have cancer, but then I wouldn’t know as I don’t normally go to any Drs.

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