Posts Tagged ‘Bible’

Melissa post on 9 April 12 in “Into the Desert”:
“If His Word is true, and if He doesn’t lie, and if He truly does love me, how the hell did this happen??? And even worse, if the healing promises are a lie, then what else of mine is a lie? I mean, either it is all true, or it ain’t.”

Most of you should know that Melissa struggled with various stages of cancer for a very long time. Back in 1999, when we arrived in Colorado for the first time, we attended a wonderful church, and one of the messages that we learned from the pastor was healing was for everyone. Every word the pastor spoke was backed up by lots of scriptures, so how could this message be wrong? Melissa’s health roller coaster, with the constant up and down struggles, really were difficult for us both. Spiraling close to death a few times, but pulling up just in time; however, she never got back everything she lost in the process each time. All the while, we stood on God’s promises and that Melissa would be made whole again. There really aren’t too many people who not only knew this message better than Melissa, but actually had to walk and live in it every moment of every day. Standing on scripture verses, nailing them on her heart, and trying so hard to be an “instrument rated” Christian, but the weather was awful much of the time and it was hard to stay strong. Heck, one of the last things Melissa had left, since virtually everything else she loved was ripped away piece by piece, was her communication capabilities. And, you know what, in some cosmic form of cruelty, that last thread of humanity she had was taken away bit by bit by the ever growing brain hematoma and blood sucking tumor in her brain until she could no longer speak. Do you have any idea how many people she offered and sent copies of our church’s healing series of sermons to? I’m sure there were hundreds she offered it to and many took her up on it (around the globe). She was so strong, but she grew just so weak, and worst of all, she started to lose her faith since if healing isn’t true, then what else isn’t true in the Bible? Really, rocked her world especially as she knew the ground was coming again and she would not be able to pull up this time. No one really knew how sick she was, except me and her. Melissa wore her game face, pretty much every where she traveled, be it at the oncologist office or online; that’s just what warriors do. Everyone was saying, oh Melissa, it is just one more time, you’ll pull up. Well, there were many dark alone days and she was so afraid of the end. Of her doubt. What was really coming? Heck, the whole progression really rocked both of our belief and faith mechanisms. She would say, God, either “kill me or heal me” because this in between crap and being teased by good health for a minute or two has become unbearable. TIll nearly the end, till nearly her last breath, she held on to that fear. I’m pretty sure it was a few hours before she died when I talked with her brother, Brooks, and through that conversation I had a realization. Something that I knew, hanging just below the surface, but finally it pop its head out of the water. Melissa had her vision of what her miracle should be, and you know Melissa, she knew what she wanted and nothing else would do. She wanted her life back; she wanted everything back that she had lost piece by piece stripped by this fricking monster called cancer. She wanted to be whole again, devoid of cancer fear, and just be able to live–she was only 54-years old. This new realization was something that we both already knew, but it did not fit into our vision of the “miracle” which Melissa should receive. Melissa used to say, I’m a walking miracle. Ding, Ding, Ding. That was the answer, and we both knew it. She was a zero%er and lasted way longer than any doctor or really anyone would think she should have. She had so many people she helped around the globe on various web platforms, and even though I reminded her of that many times, she did not or would not see it. She was an inspiration to so many who are fighting this cancer monster everyday. For example, when we went to the clinics in Georgia, about a year ago, the other patients there would say, you’ve been fighting and dealing with cancer for that long. You are my inspiration to go forward. I could give you more examples of people online and what they thought of Melissa, but you get my point. So, after that breakthrough for me: Melissa did get a miracle, it just was not the specific one she wanted; one day, when my times comes, I’ll get to find out the specifics of why God chose His version of a miracle and not ours. So, a little while later, a few hours before she passed, I told Melissa of my breakthrough. Of course, she could not talk, but her breathing did seem to immediately ease just a little.

After so many hours on his table, discussing this Reiki thing and energy work in general, I kept going back to my handy-dandy mental scriptures checking in with what the Bible had to say about this sort of thing.  And yes it talks about being careful, discerning spirits, etc.  But I kept diligently asking questions, pondering, and bouncing it around in prayer.  And it finally came to me one morning.  I don’t even remember, now, which translation this Bible was, but it was the scripture about the woman with the issue of blood in the Gospels.  She sought out Jesus in a crowd of thousands.  She had been bleeding for years and years.  The Bible specifically states that she had spent all her money on doctors, but instead of getting better, she got worse.  Read that again.  Seriously?  Have things really changed that much since Biblical times?  In some ways, yes … but some things never change!

Anyway, she elbowed and pushed her way up to Jesus and touched the hem of his garment.  What Jesus experienced, at that point, is the interesting part.  He was being jostled, pushed, crowded in this throng of people.  The moment that woman touched only His clothing, He stopped and asked who touched Him.  His disciples thought He had to be nuts … I mean, who wasn’t touching Him in that large crowd?  But He said, and it depends on the translation, but most translations say, “I felt power leave Me.”  The one I read that morning said, “I felt energy leave Me.” Honest to God.  I read it over and over again.  That was my confirmation.  In my opinion, Jesus was the ultimate energy healer.  He could focus energy and manipulate it and He taught others to do the same.  Not that I’m belittling His Godness (don’t get your hackles up, Christians).  I’m just saying that He set that precedent … and He said we would do greater things than that.  I didn’t explain this to preach to you.  I explained it so you would know my process in stepping into what was appearing on the path before me.  Was this a pile of something I didn’t want to step in or should I just walk on in confidence? It was at this point that I decided to go for it.  So he started practicing Reiki on me.

Reiki is a very balancing energy.  It is not focused.  It is not intense.  The practitioner is just the vessel for the energy to go through.  So, in my mind, I would envision Jesus’ hands on Louis’ shoulders and that was the energy coming into me through Louis.

English: A Reiki symbolFrom here, the energy knows where to go and where it’s needed, so there should be no ego involved in the process.  It’s not about the practitioner.  It’s just about being a willing vessel.  Now scientist friends of mine are laughing right now.  But I don’t really care because I know what I have experienced, even though I can neither explain its mechanism of action nor can I quantify it.  Also, my mind-body connection isn’t the best (something I’m currently working on) so I typically don’t feel energy in my body when I’m being worked on.  But boy, do I know a ton of people who can.  Most, in fact.  They feel a tingling or a heat.  Energy manifests that way.  I don’t feel that so I have to rely heavily on my intuition when choosing an energy worker.

After quite some time of this, Louis offered to teach, or “attune” me to Reiki.  We had a little class:  Louis, his wife, and I.  He attuned me to Level 2, one step shy of Master, before we had to move away from there.  But I have practiced on my family and they have all experienced relief from whatever is ailing them, despite the fact that I can’t feel it.  They feel heat or tingling … and many times it’s in a place different from where my hands are.

So it works with, or without, my knowledge, with or without my ego.  I can let go and let God work however He wants to in the individual.  This was my first foray into the wonderful world of energy … and it was just the beginning.

So I was brought up in a Christian home.  My father was president of a Methodist college in a mid-sized town.  We went to this huge Methodist church complete with flagstone floors, stained glass windows, and pipe organs.  Damn place looked like a flippin cathedral.  But I never saw any evidence of God in that place with its cold, hard interior and everyone dressed just so.  Full of who’s who and gossip, but not God.  Turned me off church in a big way.  That was in the late 60s and

Polski: W kościele w Otorowie koło Szamotuł

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early 70s.  There were not a whole lot of non-denominational churches, much less Spirit-filled ones.  So my Mom, God bless her, found a group of people meeting in a home and that’s where I finally found a true place of worship where the Spirit led the course of the service, not man.  This set the pattern for all of my future spiritual searches.  I tend to steer away from structured services with hymnals and organs to this day.  But thankfully it is a lot easier to find my kind of church these days.

But I always believed in healing.  I mean, Jesus did a whole lot of that in the Bible, didn’t He?  Then again, I had many friends who had way more faith than I, die from disease.  There’s that age-old dilemma … well, if the Bible says so, why didn’t it happen?  So I assumed that while healing was promised, sometimes the answer was “No.”

That remained that way until right after my diagnosis and we had just moved to Colorado annd were looking for a church.  I was told about one and we went.  Only a couple of weeks later, that pastor began teaching on healing and God’s will and that changed my life forever  I learned that, despite the fact that we lose loved ones to disease, that doesn’t mean it was God’s will.  I learned there were many reasons for disease to happen and most of them had nothing at all to do with God.  So I really started digging in that area but I was through my initial cancer treatment by then and honestly thought I was done with all of that.  It was a blessing that I had 8 full years before I really had to put my beliefs to the test.  It was good.  Much like a pilot needs to fly by his instrument panel before he encounteers the storm, the same goes for learning God’s principles before the shit hits the fan!  Oh yeah … I said shit.  And that’s why this category is Spirituality.  Because while I am very spiritual, and a big Jesus freak (yes, I still do believe He is the Christ despite my ever-expanding horizons), I am anything but religious!

Up until that point, I thought I pretty much had this Christianity/spiritual thing figured out.   Yeah, what I have since discovered is that I knew nothing!  God is so much bigger than we could ever imagine and so many of us just put Him in a box.  We say He can only work with this or use us in this fashion …. and most of it is about what we do.  But honestly,, what we do just doesn’t matter so much if we are in Christ … He already did it all.  Ahhhhhhhh grace is such a beautiful thing and so is God’s patience with me when I doubt, kick, scratch and claw.  I imagine myself much like a tantrumous 2-year-old and Him shaking His head at me and smiling.  He even loves me when I shake my fist at him and scream curses …. and I’ve had those moments as well.   And He loves me just the same.

So here, you will read my musings and follow how I went from so legalistic and fundamentalist to a much more centered knowledge of God  and how free we are supposed to be!  My mind has been expanding and my understanding growing for years … and it’s justt now getting started good.  Feel free to join in at any time!