More of the same

Day two dawned pale and sunny but no such nastiness as the day before.  Off we went to find a Starbucks and a gas station to fuel all vehicles.  Once that was done, straight east on I 70.  Not a whole lot different from the day before except that there were a few more trees.  Through Kansas City and St Louis.  Overnighted in Paducah. So nothing really exciting to blog about this morning.

I will say that I feel a bit isolated.  There’s nothing like a drive across the country to let you know the reality of what is where in a relationship.  I’m finding that, at this late stage in my life, I’m not nearly as external as I used to be.  In my old life, I used to have all sorts of external activities to keep me occupied … busy, busy, busy.  If it wasn’t dog agility, it was my horse.  Or some thing on which to focus my attentions.

But now, all that is different.  I mourn the loss of so very much from friends to activities to a sharp brain to a sex drive.  But it sure does narrow down what kinds of things float around inside your head.  And this trip has really pointed out how my needs, in a relationship, are way different than they were before.  No longer is it good enough to just share a surface relationship with the people closest to me.  Because my surfaces aren’t as broad as they used to be.

So what matters most to me now?  Heart things, spirit things … things that will matter where I’m going.  I suppose it’s natural that my thought life should change as my body is changing.  For the most part, I just go with the flow on that but boy it’s tough in a moving vehicle.  My poor husband is not a heart guy.  And suddenly I need heart and lots of it.

He is such a wonderfully amazing man.  He just walked in the door from going across the parking lot to get me a caramel latte.  Takes care of me in so many ways I literally worry about him and his health.  And now here I am asking for a deeper relationship … more heart?  Talk about thinking you’ve died and gone to hell! Poor guy!

So today, we’re on the last leg and should be cruising into Marietta at a decent hour.  Hearing on the weather right now that Missouri might be getting some snow today.  Sure glad that’s in our rear view mirror!